Seriously.
I wrote before of the importance of the funeral. But the obsession with dying is funny.
They don't say "you're going to die". They say "you gonna die".
If you don't eat, you gonna die.
If you eat too much, you gonna die.
If you're too fat, you gonna die.
If you're too skinny, you gonna die.
If your skin is too pale, you gonna die. (all of my white friends were going to die)
Don't climb that tree, you gonna die.
Don't let the dog kiss you, you gonna die.
If you go out in the cold with "bare feets", you gonna die.
If you eat at McDonald's, you gonna die.
If you sit too close to the TV, you gonna die. (Pre flat-screen)
If you're not careful in Buffalo or Toronto, you gonna die.
If your shirt doesn't cover your lower back in the winter, you gonna die.
You get the idea. Not "you'll get sick" or "you might have an upset stomach". Nope. They go straight for the big enchilada. You are going to die!
It's all about death. Sometimes the older ones use their death as a loophole when committing to something.
If I don't die, I'll rent a tuxedo for your wedding.
If I am still alive, I will make the cake for your birthday.
If I don't die, we'll go to Italy next year.
If I am still alive, I am going to buy a new car when I retire.
If I am still alive, I will come to your son's wedding.
Then sometimes they blame death for something not done. By the way, in case you're wondering, death is not a valid excuse.
If John didn't die, that wall would have been fixed. F----- John!
What does he care if the car's wrecked? He died and left us to deal with it. Sunnamabitch.
Sorry, I don't have that necklace. Nonna had $5,000 worth of gold on her and she took it with her in the casket. (ya, ok, she took it)
Luigi owes me 400 bucks. I know he died, but I'm gonna get that money one way or another. I know where he is. (see how I said "owes", not "owed", because death may have killed him, but it didn't kill the debt)
(My pride grows a bit stronger every time I publish one of these posts.)
I once heard a lady who was upset with another lady say "Don't look at her face because you probably gonna die." Because I don't want to die, I will not identify them.
(While writing this I was thinking of how Italians blame and thank God for everything, good and bad. That might be another topic, who knows. I wonder if presidential candidate Marco Rubio was a wannabe Italian when he sort of blamed/attributed God for his poor showing and subsequent withdrawal.)
Frank your posts are always so funny!
ReplyDelete"They go straight for the big enchilada. You are going to die!"
"I once heard a lady who was mad at another lady say "Don't look at her face because you probably gonna die." Because I don't want to die, I will not identify them."
I always look forward to reading your posts because I'm interested in what you will enlighten me next of the Italian culture. One thing that I wonder when I read your posts is if the representations of Italian culture that I see on television is actually representative of Italian culture in real life. Like, the Godfather movies for instance?
Hi Mackenzie, thank you.
DeleteAs for TV, I think most Italians (and everybody else) are too busy working and paying taxes to have the time to run around and make people "deals they can't refuse". The one movie that captures a lot of the culture nicely is Moonstruck (Cher, Nicholas Cage, 1987).
You always have such a plethora of examples which really shows how ingrained this is within Italian culture and provides a very nice window for any interested outlier to peak in. The borderline hyperbolic fascination with death is almost comical with how much they stretch their concern, but it also has a very endearing quality behind it. With statements like these, it really shows how much a family cares for one another.
ReplyDeleteSorry for commenting through Google, Blogger's being rather rude today.