How do you "shut the lights"? Why Italians speak English the way they do.

I met a guy at school from Toronto who once asked me why Italian kids used to say "shut the lights" and "shut the TV".  I didn't get the question or why he was laughing.  Maybe his family was wealthy and could afford the higher electricity bill? Who knows ...

It turned out he was making fun of me, and Italians.  For a bit of background, I could barely speak English until I was four years old because my mom stayed at home and I was with her.

I grew up in a very Italian and French neighbourhood in Welland, ON, Canada.  You were either French, Italian or lost.  All of our parents speak/spoke English the same way and it didn't hold anybody back.

I have a very good understanding of the grammatical structure of French and Italian .  Those who claim French or Italian as their first language have similar patterns in their English.   For the most part I knew what their English derived from, but actually learning the grammar puts it all into better view.




I am not poking fun at them, just explaining why their English is structured as it is and why you might hear some of their children saying odd things.

I consider myself to be fluent in this dialect of English that many Italians and Francophones speak.   Many of my friends are also fluent.  It's been a bit limiting for me sometimes, socially, as I can't understand why or forgive my Canadian friends who can't roll a good "r" for either French or Italian words. garçon, crème brûlée , Ferrari, pizzeria, etc.

Let's review.

Canadians are known for saying "eh" after a question.  This is good pizza, eh?  or Taxes are high, eh?.  Italian put "eh" before the question. Eh, whats you name? or  Eh, you tink you better than me? The eh is a bit louder and more curt than it is in English.  The louder the eh the more serious the question.

Not many words in Italian end in hard consonants such at "b", "k", "t", "m", "n", "x".  When they use some English words that end in those letters they sometimes add a slight "a" to the end of those words when connecting with another word. I no tink-a-dats a goood idea.   or  Whosa-gonna fix-a-my shoes?

Some people go a little bit crazy with the extra "a" when imitating my people, and they sound crazy doing it.  It has to be very faint, subtle and flowing. Almost sexy.  If you come up to me and say "Hey-A-Why-A-You-A-Call-A-My-A-House", I ain't gonna laugh because it's a terrible imitation. "Eh, why you call-a-my owz?" Sexy.

Italians say more fast instead of faster. In Italian there is no "-er" for comparison.  fast is veloce and faster is più veloce.  Più means more.  The same applies for bigger, fatter, taller, smaller etc.

"My car is more big and more fast than you car."

In Italian, h is silent so that is transferred to their English.  (Some people like to point out that I struggle to say huge and humiliated properly)  So for Italians it might sound like this:

"Yes, I know, my usband eez no avv too much brains."

"Eh, ow come don't you shuddup?".  It's not uncommon to hear How come instead of why.  In Italian why is per che which could be translated directly to for what.

"Eh, ow come don't you ask you usband why eez no avv my rent?"

(Author's confession ... I am enjoying writing this)

The th that we have in the and rather and think is a struggle for many.  There is no "th" sound in their phonetic library.  If th is followed by a , o or e it's usually pronounced d.  That is dat and the is da and though is doe.  If th is followed by i it become "t" so think is tink. There are other conditions, but you get the idea.

"I tink dat ting is more big than we tot even doe day sent us da measurements.  oo are dese people anyway?  Geez."

For some reason, my father is able to pronounce th.  Scientists and speech pathologists are looking into this anomaly.

When an Italian word has a single s in the middle, it's pronounced z.  So casa is pronounces caza.  For some they carry the z sound into their English.  zleep , zlip , znow etc.   I haven't been able to detect a firm pattern for this, but it exists.

"Eh, how come you uzband park da car in fronna my owz?  I almost zlip on the znow an break my ed?" You may ask how somebody can break their head, but Italians always say Quasi ho rotto la mia testa ... directly translating to I almost broke my head. Don't ask, just keep reading.

there are also times when they don't break words apart:
"whaddayougonnado?"
"fuggoff!"
"stupidummy"
"youbeddawatchout"
"shuddadoorbeforesheezacomeindamosquitoes"

In smaller Italian towns, telephone numbers are 6 digits and broken up into pairs 75 37 22 when they share their number with somebody.  So you occasionally hear Italians break up our phone numbers up in a weird way .  Instead  of saying Brock's number is 688 5550  they will say it's 68 85 55 0 . I have acquired the special skill of still being able to follow the number when broken up in pairs.  I'm not sure if that skill would look good on a resumé, but I am sure it's still a skill.

They struggle to pronounce oo as in good , look and book .  It's like they add an extra o to say goood and boook .

Eh, you no loook-a-too goood .

Double consonants ending a word that also ends in t are difficult for some and not all words.  Thank You becomes tang you and don't becomes doan.  If it ends in st, some will add an h .  fasht , mosht.  No definite pattern, but it's there.

Eh, when I call-a-u, how come doan u anzer more fasht? 

Back to the original statement at the beginning.  Some older Italians say chiudi la televisione or chiudi la luca and that translates to close the light or shut the television. I admit that I say it all the time.  It's cute and it saves electricity at the same time.

For some longer words, put the accent on the wrong syllable, add a little harmony while you speak and this is the English we grew up with.

I was never under the impression that broken or improper English was a sign of less intelligence. Watching somebody who speaks proper English mistaking a foreign accent for a lack of education or smarts infuriates me.  It's a terrible miscalculation on their part.

When I was a city councillor in Welland (1994-1997), some city staff had treated a family friend like he was stupid and I know they did it based on his English.  The fact that he had amassed significant wealth and owns a lot of property while sporting a Grade 3 education didn't seem to register with them.  He won his dispute and my relationship with three staff members was never the same.

One thing that makes me proud of Italians; not speaking proper English does not mean they would ever back down from a lively conversation or dispute of any kind.  I will even admit that it's enjoyable to watch them take somebody down to the mat.  They are not afraid to walk toward you while raising their voice.    And it doesn't always mean they're upset with you.

One time, on the way to St Catharines for a soccer game, our coach was pulled over on the highway. He gets out of the car before the cop comes to the door:

Coach: I gotta go to a game and I no speed one f---- mile over da God----- speed limit and you pull me over and I gonna be f---- late for da f----- game.  Eh, whadda I gotta tell dose f----- guys when f------ I show up late?  eh, whaddami gonna say? 

Cop, laughing: Hey, I am supposed to be yelling at you, not the other way around.  Go to your game. 

Coach, back in the car: I tink-a-dat politz-a-man tot I was mad at him. I no say notting.

We realized after that night, the police officer never did get a chance to tell him why he was pulled over.

Remember, sexy.

I consider myself blessed.